"I am where I am because of the choices I made"

It's such a simple sentence in structure, yet the meaning that it conveys is massive. It's a quote that I return to time and time again. I usually conjure it up when my life gets tough.

I am where I am because of the choices I have made.

Such simple truth. I wrote that years ago when my divorce was at it's worst and I almost lost my children the first time.

Things are tough again. My son has to ask his wrestling teammates if any of them have some old wrestling shoes so that he can participate. There won't be a month's salary for me because the state has decided to garnish 100% of my "disposable" income. We won't have Internet or cell phones in a couple of weeks. We barely have food in the house. Hubby's next check will have to cover rent with not much left over.

I could go on and on with the woes, but it gets so depressing. I realise that I have allowed all this to happen, in fact, I asked for it!

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

I can do a few things to alleviate some of the stress. We'll be visiting the local food pantry in the morning and while we have phones and Internet, I will apply for food assistance from the state. (Yes, I am actually admitting to this!)

A teammate has offered my son his old wrestling shoes, if he can find them. I won't ask my son to give up wrestling because it has given him some motivation to continue to improve his grades and himself. As soon as we can afford to, we will be buying him some shoes for wrestling that will fit him.

No paychecks for a month...it could be worse I could have no job and no paychecks, besides this will pay off the state tax commission and it will be one less bill to worry about afterwards.

Yes, things are very dismal right now, but I haven't given up hope nor lost faith. I have no one else to blame for the way that things have gotten. I take full responsibility for the hardships that we are going through, because I wasn't as responsible as I should have been.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

That being said about the present, what about the future?

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

The choices that I make now will effect the path my life will take. I refuse to wallow in self pity, but I acknowledge the mistakes that I have made and will work to make appropriate decisions at the crucial time.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

It is a simple fact,  not an excuse to give up. It states that I am responsible for my life and my actions. It is no one else's fault but my own, if my life isn't what or where I want it to be. It is a recognition of a divergence of what/where I would prefer my life to be and what/where it actually is at this present moment. It is a reference that my life could, can, and will change if when I choose to change the present course that I am on.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

Make Choices, Not Excuses

I haven't blogged in several days and I haven't posted any new videos on YouTube in a couple of weeks.  It's very easy to make valid sounding excuses for not doing either, but it really comes down to choice.

I made the choice not to do either.

Life is about choices, not excuses.

You have to choose to do.

There are times that I feel inadequate when I read other blogs or watch other videos, but I chose to start doing a blog (and vlogging) to overcome my shyness and those feelings of inadequacy. I do enjoy putting my thoughts out into the world, because it gives me a chance to learn who I am and to express that succinctly.

Everyone comes across those moments when they can either do or back down. Most of the time backing down comes from fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of inadequacies. Fear of being seen/heard.

I know, understand and embrace that I fear. I also realise that I need to overcome those fears. It isn't an easy road to "choose to do", but it is one that I have to travel to be true to myself.

Like my hubby likes to say, "Excuses are like assholes. Everybody has at least one." :-)

Excuses are just a chicken shit way of avoiding something that makes us uncomfortable. The problem is that in order to experience life you have to put yourself in some uncomfortable situations. If you aren't willing to get out of your comfort zone than you will never know what you may accomplish.

The worst that can happen with my blogs is that no one will read them. So what. At least I am making an effort to put my words out there and if nothing else it's a good way for me to practice my spelling, punctuation and grammar. :-) (I am pretty bad at all three!)

The one thing that I have noticed about choosing to start a blog and doing videos, is that it does boost my self confidence and sets a good example for my kiddos.They know that I am choosing to put myself in an uncomfortable situation. It shows them that it's ok to get out of your comfort zone.

I choose to face my fears.

I choose to express who I am.

I choose to put myself out there.

I choose to do.

There are still several things that I want to do. I can't at the moment. I won't make excuses for not doing them. I have made the choice to postpone doing them. I have also made the choice that as soon as I can, they will happen. 

Is there something that you want to do? Something that you keep making excuses not to? face your fears and admit, even if only to yourself, why you haven't done them and make the choice to find a way to accomplish what you would like to do.

"Stop making excuses and just do it"--Nike T-shirt

A Lesson Learned!

I was organizing my few witchy supplies yesterday when I came across a small bag that I had forgotten about. Of course it would be at the very back of a high shelf. A simple little plastic bag with a reddish-brownish powder in it. It was simply labeled "banishing" in marker on the bag.

I opened it up and it still smells so good! I could almost see the spell that I cast and I remember that the powder worked very, very, very well! I hunted through my BOS, but I couldn't find the recipe nor the spell!

It was maybe four years ago that I made it. It still smells great and it is still "alive". Being as old as it possibly is, I was very surprised to feel the energies that were still coming off the powder, and it is really bugging me that I can't remember what is in it!

So I transferred the powder into a small glass jar and labeled it "My Banishing Powder". I don't want to get rid of it, besides I was meant to find this! (Makes me wonder what is about to happen or what is going on that I cannot "see"?)

I have cleaned out my BOS since and I am wondering if I possibly threw the recipe away, if I simply didn't write it down or if it's in my "to go through" box. It is really, really bugging me.

I learned a lesson...Keep Records!

No matter how much of a hurry you may be in...Keep Notes!

Any time you do a spell or ritual, especially if you do one off the top of your head...Make Notes!

Record what you are doing in some form or another. Be "old fashioned" by writing notes or use technology to record yourself on video or even just an audio recording. Which ever method you use, be sure to explain (with as much detail as possible) what you are using, saying, doing and why.

Keep your magickal records as neat and orderly as possible. Be sure to place them in a secure place and that they are clearly labeled. Even if all you have is a pile of ragged notes in a shoebox, try to arrange them in some order and label them.

Keep notes, records, videos, recordings and keep them organized!

Well I am off to organize my "to go through" box!

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

PMSing-TMI

I used to Hate this Time of the Month!

I used to Dread It.

Loath My Body during That Time.

Hated the Pain and the Mess.

How Iinconvenient My Body could be at times.

Now I am Learning to Embrace that part of My Body's Cycle.

Even the Unpleasantness of It: Mood Swings, Cramping, Bloating, Cravings, Lack of Energy.

I am Learning to Cope with My Self in ways that I was Never Taught How!

I will Teach my Daughter and Any Other Young Woman who Wishes to Know...

This IS Natural!

Do Not Fear!

Do Not Loath!

Accept It.

Work With It.

This IS Proof that You are Unique...

You Are Powerful...

You Are Strong...

You Are Beautiful...

You Are Woman...

Rejoice!


Blessings and Love
~Faye~

11-11-11

Today has been a busy day so far and I still need to get ready for work, but I wanted to make sure that I got something down on my blog today to honor the Veterans and all the energies in the air.

We still have some Full Moon Energies and with today's date...oh wow!!! Any magicks worked today will be so strongly blessed!

Veteran's Memorial in Emmett, ID

First off: THANK YOU to my family, friends, and all the other men and women that have served or still serve our country during times of war. On this Veteran's Day be sure to show love and appreciation to those who have chosen, or were enlisted, to wear a uniform to protect our country and our freedoms.

Please do not forget to remember and thank those that never will or have yet to make it home!

Here's some quick information on the "number of the day":

11 is a power number and is considered the "Master Number" by many numerologists. It signifies new beginnings, rebirth, compassion, tolerance,  inspiration, intuition.

11 itself is a masculine number, but adding them begets a feminine energy (1+1=2) and with three 11's in today's date makes it a strong day for feminine energies. A day of peace, love, compassion, awareness, cooperation and healing is available for the world.

We are also on the brink of entering the 11th House of Aquarius. This zodiac sign rules philanthropy, humanitarianism, idealism, technology, and nonconformity. So much potential for all of us is opening up today and in the future.

Embrace this day of remembrance and open up to the energies coming into play!

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

P.S. There is a movement called Global Pause for Peace that is "asking spiritual communities around the world to gather in ritual, prayer and meditation to harness today's harmonious energy and raise the global vibration".

Esbat Nov. 2011: A Simple Explanation

November's Full Moon--Snow Moon.

According to the The Meaning of Our Moon post in the Magickal Winds Articles blog, November's Full Moon is for "Plan for a ritual to work on ridding yourself of negative thoughts and vibrations."

Very fitting for what I have planned today! But first a simple explanation of what I will be doing.

First the mundane--Cleaning house! My rituals and spell workings seem to go a lot smoother and have better results if my house is cleaned up. After all "Chaos breeds chaos"! So I will bring some order to my home first. If time is an issue, a quick cleaning of the "work space" will suffice. I like to have music going that will stay on during the whole process.

Active meditation--When I clean house is when I meditate. I have a difficult time sitting quietly for extended periods of time and getting my mind to let go, yet when I clean (especially when I wash dishes by hand) my mind very easily slips into that meditative mode. But, I will be meditating with a purpose before a spell/ritual. I will focus my mind on my goal and allow myself to be guided on what items are needed and what should be done for my planned spell/ritual, this also helps to get me into the correct mindset.

Next the cleansing--Being a Full Moon, I want to tap into the energies that Mama Moon is graciously willing to bless us with. I will be clearing and cleansing my whole house first. How to cleanse is varied. I explained one of the ways that I do cleansings in a video on YouTube. Find  that works for you. Once again, if there isn't enough time a quick cleansing will work.

Gathering and preparing--Gathering all the materials needed and preparing the space to be used is crucial part. When you take the time to prepare the space where you will be working and to prepare everything that you will use, it gives you a chance to double check and make sure that everything you will need is at hand, nothing is forgotten and any last minute ideas can be added in as well. Don't forget to prepare a small snack for after!

Double check--And triple check too! Please take the time to do this step! Stopping in the middle of a spell or ritual to go and grab the whatever you forgot can interrupt the flow of energies and prevent the spell/ritual from reaching it's full potential. Workings can and will go badly if your concentration is interrupted!

Cleansing and preparing self--If time allows take a shower or bath with the purpose of cleaning and cleansing yourself of negative energies. For a quick cleansing: ground and center yourself, feel any negativity leaving you and going down into the Earth to be transformed into loving energy, ground and center again. Dressing up (or down) is an option. I usually just wear my everyday clothes since that is what is comfortable to me, but I do make sure that I am presentable and that my hair and teeth are brushed.

Making magick--Whether to do a full blown scripted ritual, complete with workings or to do a simple ceremony or even just a spell or two? The answer is up to you and depends on how much time you have available and how you're feeling. No matter the platform you choose to work in, the important thing to remember is that you relax and enjoy the moment. Mistakes are ok and laughter is permitted. Enjoy this blissful moment of communing with Diety.

Afterwards--Relax and breathe! Take a few moments to clean up, put away, dispose of anything, take offerings outside. Then sit and relax with a light snack of carbs and a glass of water to help ground and recharge you, and take notes on the spell/ritual. Do an activity is soothing to the mind (ex: take a walk, read a book, have a glass of wine, watch a comedy, etc), something that will gently bring you back to the everyday world.

That's the simplest way to explain what I do. It can get as elaborate or simple as you want it to be, just keep in mind how much time you have and how you feel.

 Time is ticking away, so I will go and practice what I just "preached"!

Have a wonderful Esbat, however you celebrate it!

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

Life Quizes and Change

Universe has been giving me some serious "clues" that a Change was coming. I wasn't aware at first about what was coming, but I could feel the energies of Change growing around me.

When Change is about to take place, my energies falter, my shields weaken and I become more susceptible to the energies and emotions around me. It's almost as if my Inner-Self is preparing for the bombardment of energy shifts that are coming. Like a track runner at the starting line, tensing up and preparing for when the starting gun goes off.

It isn't a depression, but pretty darn close. When depression hits, I just want to hide from the world. Disappear from all my responsibilities and an urge to do nothing. This is what I call The Calm, the calm before the storm. You know it's coming, you can see and feel it, but a calmness is between you and The Storm of Change. Everything seems to slow down, as you make preperations for the onslaught coming your way.

I usually get a lot of "hints" from Universe about Changes. My biggest problem is that I haven't relearned to trust my Intuition. But Universe is prepared for that and it isn't always nice about it.

If the "hints" that Universe is sending you aren't quite making sense, then Universe will throw "tests" at you. These "tests" are more like "pop quizzes" (Remember those!). No preparation, no warning, just a BAM! and life smacks you a good one...or two...or more.

These Life Quizzes are not meant for you to feel like "life's not fair" or "why does this always happen to me". They are thrown at you to show you just how much you have grown in your spirituality. How "strong" you have become. It is Universe's way of pushing you to your limits so that you will see that you can get out of your comfort zone.

Life Quizzes test your faith (it happens no matter what religion you follow), the sincerity in the Path that you have chosen to walk through life.

To use myself as an example: I am a follower of Goddess and God and I will live a complacent life and know that they will give me all I need to live.

That is not how it works! You do not sit idly by and wait for anything you need and or want to fall into your lap by the grace of Universe.

Every day I have to show them that not only am I their follower, but I am their child. I do not blindly follow their "leadership", but work with them to provide what I need to live. I have to work at bringing    insert desire or need here   into my life.

Every day I have to express that Lady and Lord are a part of Me and I AM a part of Them. I have to love and respect My Self as I Am, as much as I love and respect Them!

In Buddhist philosophy--life is about suffering, enlightenment is about the ending of suffering.

Life Quizzes can and will cause suffering to some degree. It may be a mild annoyance or it could be a heartache of some kind. Just realise that it is not about Universe being cruel, it IS about Universe showing you your strengths.

It IS about YOU ARE what YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE! It isn't to test your faith in your Diety, but to test your faith in YOU!

So when Universe throws down a Life Quiz, know that you will pass and embrace the Change that follows!

I WILL!

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

Forgiving Myself

Trying to find a balance with the 10 Zen Precepts, the 13 Principles of Wiccan Belief, and some of my own personal truths is turning out to be easier than I thought it could be, as there are many similarities between them. All of the Precepts feel true to me by one degree or another, but they should not be taken at face value. There is a depth to those simple sentences that when studied, meditated on and absorbed that is very profound.

I will be delving into only one of the Precepts in this post, since it was the one that hit me the hardest when I had listened to the Infinite Smile podcast. The 9th Precept--Do not harbor anger.

At first listening to the podcast, it made so much sense that harboring anger towards others is detrimental towards spiritual growth.

There are several individuals that I still hold anger towards even though years have gone by on some incidents.  I started realising that I had to start letting those resentments go. My mind started whirling different thoughts on ways that I could work on those issues, both magickally and mundane. It was just so many ideas hitting me all at once, until one thought stopped me in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes...

...the world stopped...

For only a few seconds, but my life flashed before me...

...and one thought stood uppermost in my mind...

...How can I forgive other people...When I haven't forgiven...myself?

Now mind you I was at work at the time, and for a good 5 minutes not one customer came through the doors and the phones did not ring in that time either, thank the Mother.

It was such an epiphany! On of those that will change my life, if I let it.

It won't be easy, because many of the mental and emotional scars run very deep. I have to forgive myself for things that I have done and things that were done to me. I have to face my inner daemons even more deeply than I ever have. I have faced my Darkness Within but I had never forgiven Her/Myself. I have accepted and acknowledged Her/Myself, but I had never told her those three simple words..."I am sorry".

I have wondered many times why these last couple of years I have felt like I was going nowhere spiritually. My magickal and mundane life has been at a standstill and it was driving me nuts!

Now I know.

Now once again, during the first full moon after the Witch's New Year, I will call on my Darkness Within. It will be a daunting task. I will have to open my heart, mind and soul to all the deepest pains that I have experienced and face the pains that I have caused others.

I won't lie...I am scared...so very, very scared!

I find myself saying the very first witch prayer that I wrote and the words have more meaning to me now as I ready myself for the journey that I am about to take...

Lady grant me strength, grant me wisdom, grant me power.

Lord grant me love, grant me prosperity, grant me protection.

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

10 Zen Precepts

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts at work the other day and it really made me think. The podcast is Infinite Smile. It is a Buddhist podcast that I enjoy and it has taught me so much about the Path that I am following.

In the latest episode, Michael McAlister talks about "Do No Harm" as a theme in the Zen Precepts and how we can use it change our lives and the awakening within. He stays very real on how these 10 Precepts can be used as guides in the mundane situations of our lives.He uses an extremely personal event to illustrate on the uses of these guides.

 

The 10 Zen Precepts are:

1. Do not kill.
2. Do not steal.
3. Do not abuse or misuse sexuality.
4. Do not lie.
5. Do not abuse intoxicants
6. Do not put others down.
7. Do not praise self at the expense of others.
8. Do not let greed control you.
9. Do not harbor anger.
10. Do not diminishing the Higher Self. 

They are all very profound ways of looking and living life. You do not have to blindly follow them as they are guides, precepts not commandments. You need to be very open on how these precepts fit into your life in a very realistic way.

I am trying to fit them into my life and I will explain how I view each of these precepts and how I try to fit them into my mundane and magickal life. There are occasions where the precepts can be argued as to how deep to follow them, but you need to be fully aware, fully conscious of why you are walking into the "grey areas" of the precepts.

If you choose to not follow these precepts to the letter, the actions that you take should come from a place that is devoid of Anger, Hatred, Greed, and Delusion.

Read over the precepts how would you incorporate them and how would you argue how deeply to follow them?