"I am where I am because of the choices I made"

It's such a simple sentence in structure, yet the meaning that it conveys is massive. It's a quote that I return to time and time again. I usually conjure it up when my life gets tough.

I am where I am because of the choices I have made.

Such simple truth. I wrote that years ago when my divorce was at it's worst and I almost lost my children the first time.

Things are tough again. My son has to ask his wrestling teammates if any of them have some old wrestling shoes so that he can participate. There won't be a month's salary for me because the state has decided to garnish 100% of my "disposable" income. We won't have Internet or cell phones in a couple of weeks. We barely have food in the house. Hubby's next check will have to cover rent with not much left over.

I could go on and on with the woes, but it gets so depressing. I realise that I have allowed all this to happen, in fact, I asked for it!

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

I can do a few things to alleviate some of the stress. We'll be visiting the local food pantry in the morning and while we have phones and Internet, I will apply for food assistance from the state. (Yes, I am actually admitting to this!)

A teammate has offered my son his old wrestling shoes, if he can find them. I won't ask my son to give up wrestling because it has given him some motivation to continue to improve his grades and himself. As soon as we can afford to, we will be buying him some shoes for wrestling that will fit him.

No paychecks for a month...it could be worse I could have no job and no paychecks, besides this will pay off the state tax commission and it will be one less bill to worry about afterwards.

Yes, things are very dismal right now, but I haven't given up hope nor lost faith. I have no one else to blame for the way that things have gotten. I take full responsibility for the hardships that we are going through, because I wasn't as responsible as I should have been.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

That being said about the present, what about the future?

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

The choices that I make now will effect the path my life will take. I refuse to wallow in self pity, but I acknowledge the mistakes that I have made and will work to make appropriate decisions at the crucial time.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

It is a simple fact,  not an excuse to give up. It states that I am responsible for my life and my actions. It is no one else's fault but my own, if my life isn't what or where I want it to be. It is a recognition of a divergence of what/where I would prefer my life to be and what/where it actually is at this present moment. It is a reference that my life could, can, and will change if when I choose to change the present course that I am on.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

Make Choices, Not Excuses

I haven't blogged in several days and I haven't posted any new videos on YouTube in a couple of weeks.  It's very easy to make valid sounding excuses for not doing either, but it really comes down to choice.

I made the choice not to do either.

Life is about choices, not excuses.

You have to choose to do.

There are times that I feel inadequate when I read other blogs or watch other videos, but I chose to start doing a blog (and vlogging) to overcome my shyness and those feelings of inadequacy. I do enjoy putting my thoughts out into the world, because it gives me a chance to learn who I am and to express that succinctly.

Everyone comes across those moments when they can either do or back down. Most of the time backing down comes from fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of inadequacies. Fear of being seen/heard.

I know, understand and embrace that I fear. I also realise that I need to overcome those fears. It isn't an easy road to "choose to do", but it is one that I have to travel to be true to myself.

Like my hubby likes to say, "Excuses are like assholes. Everybody has at least one." :-)

Excuses are just a chicken shit way of avoiding something that makes us uncomfortable. The problem is that in order to experience life you have to put yourself in some uncomfortable situations. If you aren't willing to get out of your comfort zone than you will never know what you may accomplish.

The worst that can happen with my blogs is that no one will read them. So what. At least I am making an effort to put my words out there and if nothing else it's a good way for me to practice my spelling, punctuation and grammar. :-) (I am pretty bad at all three!)

The one thing that I have noticed about choosing to start a blog and doing videos, is that it does boost my self confidence and sets a good example for my kiddos.They know that I am choosing to put myself in an uncomfortable situation. It shows them that it's ok to get out of your comfort zone.

I choose to face my fears.

I choose to express who I am.

I choose to put myself out there.

I choose to do.

There are still several things that I want to do. I can't at the moment. I won't make excuses for not doing them. I have made the choice to postpone doing them. I have also made the choice that as soon as I can, they will happen. 

Is there something that you want to do? Something that you keep making excuses not to? face your fears and admit, even if only to yourself, why you haven't done them and make the choice to find a way to accomplish what you would like to do.

"Stop making excuses and just do it"--Nike T-shirt

A Lesson Learned!

I was organizing my few witchy supplies yesterday when I came across a small bag that I had forgotten about. Of course it would be at the very back of a high shelf. A simple little plastic bag with a reddish-brownish powder in it. It was simply labeled "banishing" in marker on the bag.

I opened it up and it still smells so good! I could almost see the spell that I cast and I remember that the powder worked very, very, very well! I hunted through my BOS, but I couldn't find the recipe nor the spell!

It was maybe four years ago that I made it. It still smells great and it is still "alive". Being as old as it possibly is, I was very surprised to feel the energies that were still coming off the powder, and it is really bugging me that I can't remember what is in it!

So I transferred the powder into a small glass jar and labeled it "My Banishing Powder". I don't want to get rid of it, besides I was meant to find this! (Makes me wonder what is about to happen or what is going on that I cannot "see"?)

I have cleaned out my BOS since and I am wondering if I possibly threw the recipe away, if I simply didn't write it down or if it's in my "to go through" box. It is really, really bugging me.

I learned a lesson...Keep Records!

No matter how much of a hurry you may be in...Keep Notes!

Any time you do a spell or ritual, especially if you do one off the top of your head...Make Notes!

Record what you are doing in some form or another. Be "old fashioned" by writing notes or use technology to record yourself on video or even just an audio recording. Which ever method you use, be sure to explain (with as much detail as possible) what you are using, saying, doing and why.

Keep your magickal records as neat and orderly as possible. Be sure to place them in a secure place and that they are clearly labeled. Even if all you have is a pile of ragged notes in a shoebox, try to arrange them in some order and label them.

Keep notes, records, videos, recordings and keep them organized!

Well I am off to organize my "to go through" box!

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

PMSing-TMI

I used to Hate this Time of the Month!

I used to Dread It.

Loath My Body during That Time.

Hated the Pain and the Mess.

How Iinconvenient My Body could be at times.

Now I am Learning to Embrace that part of My Body's Cycle.

Even the Unpleasantness of It: Mood Swings, Cramping, Bloating, Cravings, Lack of Energy.

I am Learning to Cope with My Self in ways that I was Never Taught How!

I will Teach my Daughter and Any Other Young Woman who Wishes to Know...

This IS Natural!

Do Not Fear!

Do Not Loath!

Accept It.

Work With It.

This IS Proof that You are Unique...

You Are Powerful...

You Are Strong...

You Are Beautiful...

You Are Woman...

Rejoice!


Blessings and Love
~Faye~