"I am where I am because of the choices I made"

It's such a simple sentence in structure, yet the meaning that it conveys is massive. It's a quote that I return to time and time again. I usually conjure it up when my life gets tough.

I am where I am because of the choices I have made.

Such simple truth. I wrote that years ago when my divorce was at it's worst and I almost lost my children the first time.

Things are tough again. My son has to ask his wrestling teammates if any of them have some old wrestling shoes so that he can participate. There won't be a month's salary for me because the state has decided to garnish 100% of my "disposable" income. We won't have Internet or cell phones in a couple of weeks. We barely have food in the house. Hubby's next check will have to cover rent with not much left over.

I could go on and on with the woes, but it gets so depressing. I realise that I have allowed all this to happen, in fact, I asked for it!

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

I can do a few things to alleviate some of the stress. We'll be visiting the local food pantry in the morning and while we have phones and Internet, I will apply for food assistance from the state. (Yes, I am actually admitting to this!)

A teammate has offered my son his old wrestling shoes, if he can find them. I won't ask my son to give up wrestling because it has given him some motivation to continue to improve his grades and himself. As soon as we can afford to, we will be buying him some shoes for wrestling that will fit him.

No paychecks for a month...it could be worse I could have no job and no paychecks, besides this will pay off the state tax commission and it will be one less bill to worry about afterwards.

Yes, things are very dismal right now, but I haven't given up hope nor lost faith. I have no one else to blame for the way that things have gotten. I take full responsibility for the hardships that we are going through, because I wasn't as responsible as I should have been.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

That being said about the present, what about the future?

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

The choices that I make now will effect the path my life will take. I refuse to wallow in self pity, but I acknowledge the mistakes that I have made and will work to make appropriate decisions at the crucial time.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

It is a simple fact,  not an excuse to give up. It states that I am responsible for my life and my actions. It is no one else's fault but my own, if my life isn't what or where I want it to be. It is a recognition of a divergence of what/where I would prefer my life to be and what/where it actually is at this present moment. It is a reference that my life could, can, and will change if when I choose to change the present course that I am on.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

Blessings and Love

~Faye~