Dancing with Karma

Wishing ill will on another is never a good idea...yet what to do when you know that a person is doing and wishing negativity on you or worse your children. I face that dilemma.

A little...venting...background first:

He's very publicly mentioned that he would like to be the one "driving the karma bus" when it comes to me.

He is very passive-aggressive towards the children. He implies that the things he doesn't do and the legal problems that he is facing are their fault.

When he has his visits (can you tell it's my ex that I'm venting about?) He spoils our children: season passes to Sea World, Six Flags, Kindles, swimming with dolphins, etc. The smaller gifts are played with before our children even see them. Yet he colors his lavish gifts with the threats of him facing jail because he cannot afford his child support?!?! He also makes our children leave their gifts at home because as he constantly tells our kids, "Your mom might sell them".

He has dropped hints that he could disappear with the children to a former friend, but she is so affraid of him that she won't go to the police for me.

He's a psychologically abusive person and a compulsive liar. He's smart enough not to get physically abusive, but he enjoys playing with people's minds. He almost destroyed my personality. I don't want him to do the same to our children.

There is more to this story, but I'll stop here.

Back to the dilemma:

Do I have the right to magickally bind and/or banish home from our lives?

I don't wish him harm...I just wish him distant.

Would it be detrimental to my children? Do I keep my tears of worry to myself every time they get upset and confused at what he tells them or they catch on to one of his lies?

I've noticed the hints of karma on my part when I have gotten pissed off enough to wish him harm.

I know that I'm not the only Mom (some Dads go through this too) that has to deal with a dead-beat parent.

It's the psychological games that he plays with my children's minds that gets my dander up!

I would be protecting my children, but it would also give me peace of mind.

Would their be bad karma if I do a binding/banishing? Or would there be bad karma if I don't?

What would you do if it was your children?

I'll ask the Lady to point me in the right direction.

Blessings and Love,
~Faye~

I Remember

He turns twelve today. An official pre-teen. The years have flown by so quickly. I can still remember that very first time that I held him. 

It was the scariest few seconds of my life.

I had been in labor for days. "Something wasn't right," my instincts screamed as we headed to the hospital...again.

I was admitted this time. In my own room, finally, they had hooked me up to the monitors. I didn't like the sound of my baby's heartbeat.

The doctors face told me that he didn't either, but he was kind enough to try to put on a good front. No good doctor wants to scare a pregnant woman.

They had to induce me. Nothing happened.

Hours later I still hadn't dilated enough. Baby's heartbeat was getting worse. The doctor himself took a look to see how we were doing. He looked  at me very worriedly. "There is a tear in the placenta lining, but the baby's head is blocking it. That's why your water hasn't broken. If we can't get it to break we'll have to do a C-section."

They eventually had to tear the lining just above the baby's head. My water broke and the pain began.

He came soon after...

...but he wasn't crying...

They put him on some sort of warming table. The nurses and the pediatrician were cleaning him off. I watched and listened.

Fear gripped me tighter and tighter as the seconds passed...

One small plaintive cry came from the tiny little bundle! Followed by another!

They placed him on my stomach for only a brief moment.

He looked beautiful! Every finger and toe just as they should be, but....

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but we have to take him now. He isn't breathing like he should," the pediatrician stated matter of factly.

"I know. Do what you have to. Help him."  Gods I was so weak.

I looked at my then-husband. "Follow him. I'll be alright. Watch him for me."

He shook his head yes and followed the nurses and pediatrician out the door. My heart went too as I stayed on the bed as the gynecologist cleaned and sewed me up.

As soon as I could stand I was up and walking to the pediatric area. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the oxygen tube in his little nose and IVs in both his arms. The nurse that was working on him told me that the doctor was on the phone at that moment calling the children's hospital in Boise. They were going to have to send him there due to a sever breathing complications. It was one of the best NICUs in the area.

I nodded. I couldn't talk. I cried silently . I couldn't hold his little hand, because of the tubes, so I held his tiny foot instead. I stood there saying silent prayers to all the gods.

The e.m.t.s came quickly with a special incubator. I kissed my son on top of his head and got out of the way. I watched as the e.m.t.s worked diligently but carefully. I cried as I watched them wheeled my son away down the long corridor.

My doctor came out of the nurses station at that moment with release papers for me to sign so that I could follow my son to the children's hospital.

I followed.

A one hour drive. Just hours after giving birth. I followed.

Seeing him in the NICU almost had me on the floor. They had put several more tubes into his arms. They had to remove his umbilical cord in order to put a tube into the artery that was there. It was easier for him that way so that they could draw blood and get medications into him without having to poke him constantly. He had the oxygen tube in his nose and monitors attached to him. It was a scene straight out of a science fiction movie.

For eight days I begged friends for rides. I borrowed money for gas to drive to Boise. I called the children's hospital every few hours when I wasn't there. I had two toddlers at home. I couldn't stay at the hospital as much as I would have liked. I saw him every day for at least a couple of hours. I only missed one day and it broke my heart.

On the ninth day he came home.  There had been a few close calls and they had so many tubes connected to him. It was a very scary experience.

To this day he has asthma, but he is otherwise healthy. I am grateful for every day that I get to hear him say, "I love you, mom."

Every year on this day I relive those nine days and all the fear, panic, helplessness that I felt then.

I am very grateful to have him in my life and I wish him Many Blessings and Much Love on this special day!

~Faye~

Life Is Too Short

There was a truck vs car wreck at my work yesterday. I did not witness the actual accident itself, but I did see the emergency crews do what they do best, keeping order and saving lives.

I watched the watchers. I watched what could have been a tragedy unfold and just how quickly it became a spectator sport. The people that filled up my parking lot to gawk at the accident, take pictures and sometimes get in the way. I wanted to scream at the watchers to either help or get lost.

The ones that touched my heart were the men that ran to help as soon as the accident happened. (It is a very small town and there are plenty of guys that are trained as volunteer firemen and paramedics.) One young was really shook up when he came into the store, after the emergency crews showed up, to wash the blood off his shaking hands.. He couldn't have been more than 20, a former volunteer fireman that was in town visiting his girlfriend.

Both drivers lived and there were no passengers in either vehicle. I simple mistake of running a red light on a 40 mph highway that could have been worse.

I realised that I felt helpless. I wanted to run out and help. How? I don't know. There were plenty of people who knew what to do out there at the scene. I didn't want to be a nuisance so I kept my distance.

The rest of my shift was a blur.

Life is short. So very, very short.

It can end or altar drastically in an instant.

I am NOT where I want to be at this moment in my life. That is a fact.

I have found several "reasons" why I am only making baby steps to get to where I want to be. Those are excuses!

Some of the reasons are legitimate, but too many of them are from my ego, myself and my fears getting in the way.

One legitimate one is my financial situation. It sucks! (As my daughter would say.) Yet, I know that it will improve and I will HAVE TO start taking larger strides in the direction that I want to travel.

There is a plan forming in my head. It starts at Yule. I should have my internet back up by then (it will be going off in a few days of this posting) and I will be sharing my experiences with you. I will try very hard to do this daily. It's something that I haphazardly started on Summer Solstice and I have to confess I haven't been as ardent as I should have been.

Mama Moon and Me

Transforming ones life is no easy task, but time is short...Life is short...too short!

From now till Yule I will be studying my minuscule witchy library and coming up with tasks for me to do to better myself and my life.

There is way too much of life that I have yet to live.

Changes will occur. (I am not comfortable with change!)

The road will fork from time to time.

But I have faith!

After all...Life Is Too Short... for me to let it pass me by.

I owe it my children...

...I owe it to myself!

Life is too short...

Time To Live!


Blessings and Love

~Faye~

"I am where I am because of the choices I made"

It's such a simple sentence in structure, yet the meaning that it conveys is massive. It's a quote that I return to time and time again. I usually conjure it up when my life gets tough.

I am where I am because of the choices I have made.

Such simple truth. I wrote that years ago when my divorce was at it's worst and I almost lost my children the first time.

Things are tough again. My son has to ask his wrestling teammates if any of them have some old wrestling shoes so that he can participate. There won't be a month's salary for me because the state has decided to garnish 100% of my "disposable" income. We won't have Internet or cell phones in a couple of weeks. We barely have food in the house. Hubby's next check will have to cover rent with not much left over.

I could go on and on with the woes, but it gets so depressing. I realise that I have allowed all this to happen, in fact, I asked for it!

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

I can do a few things to alleviate some of the stress. We'll be visiting the local food pantry in the morning and while we have phones and Internet, I will apply for food assistance from the state. (Yes, I am actually admitting to this!)

A teammate has offered my son his old wrestling shoes, if he can find them. I won't ask my son to give up wrestling because it has given him some motivation to continue to improve his grades and himself. As soon as we can afford to, we will be buying him some shoes for wrestling that will fit him.

No paychecks for a month...it could be worse I could have no job and no paychecks, besides this will pay off the state tax commission and it will be one less bill to worry about afterwards.

Yes, things are very dismal right now, but I haven't given up hope nor lost faith. I have no one else to blame for the way that things have gotten. I take full responsibility for the hardships that we are going through, because I wasn't as responsible as I should have been.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

That being said about the present, what about the future?

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

The choices that I make now will effect the path my life will take. I refuse to wallow in self pity, but I acknowledge the mistakes that I have made and will work to make appropriate decisions at the crucial time.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

It is a simple fact,  not an excuse to give up. It states that I am responsible for my life and my actions. It is no one else's fault but my own, if my life isn't what or where I want it to be. It is a recognition of a divergence of what/where I would prefer my life to be and what/where it actually is at this present moment. It is a reference that my life could, can, and will change if when I choose to change the present course that I am on.

I am where I am because of the choices I made.

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

Esbat Nov. 2011: A Simple Explanation

November's Full Moon--Snow Moon.

According to the The Meaning of Our Moon post in the Magickal Winds Articles blog, November's Full Moon is for "Plan for a ritual to work on ridding yourself of negative thoughts and vibrations."

Very fitting for what I have planned today! But first a simple explanation of what I will be doing.

First the mundane--Cleaning house! My rituals and spell workings seem to go a lot smoother and have better results if my house is cleaned up. After all "Chaos breeds chaos"! So I will bring some order to my home first. If time is an issue, a quick cleaning of the "work space" will suffice. I like to have music going that will stay on during the whole process.

Active meditation--When I clean house is when I meditate. I have a difficult time sitting quietly for extended periods of time and getting my mind to let go, yet when I clean (especially when I wash dishes by hand) my mind very easily slips into that meditative mode. But, I will be meditating with a purpose before a spell/ritual. I will focus my mind on my goal and allow myself to be guided on what items are needed and what should be done for my planned spell/ritual, this also helps to get me into the correct mindset.

Next the cleansing--Being a Full Moon, I want to tap into the energies that Mama Moon is graciously willing to bless us with. I will be clearing and cleansing my whole house first. How to cleanse is varied. I explained one of the ways that I do cleansings in a video on YouTube. Find  that works for you. Once again, if there isn't enough time a quick cleansing will work.

Gathering and preparing--Gathering all the materials needed and preparing the space to be used is crucial part. When you take the time to prepare the space where you will be working and to prepare everything that you will use, it gives you a chance to double check and make sure that everything you will need is at hand, nothing is forgotten and any last minute ideas can be added in as well. Don't forget to prepare a small snack for after!

Double check--And triple check too! Please take the time to do this step! Stopping in the middle of a spell or ritual to go and grab the whatever you forgot can interrupt the flow of energies and prevent the spell/ritual from reaching it's full potential. Workings can and will go badly if your concentration is interrupted!

Cleansing and preparing self--If time allows take a shower or bath with the purpose of cleaning and cleansing yourself of negative energies. For a quick cleansing: ground and center yourself, feel any negativity leaving you and going down into the Earth to be transformed into loving energy, ground and center again. Dressing up (or down) is an option. I usually just wear my everyday clothes since that is what is comfortable to me, but I do make sure that I am presentable and that my hair and teeth are brushed.

Making magick--Whether to do a full blown scripted ritual, complete with workings or to do a simple ceremony or even just a spell or two? The answer is up to you and depends on how much time you have available and how you're feeling. No matter the platform you choose to work in, the important thing to remember is that you relax and enjoy the moment. Mistakes are ok and laughter is permitted. Enjoy this blissful moment of communing with Diety.

Afterwards--Relax and breathe! Take a few moments to clean up, put away, dispose of anything, take offerings outside. Then sit and relax with a light snack of carbs and a glass of water to help ground and recharge you, and take notes on the spell/ritual. Do an activity is soothing to the mind (ex: take a walk, read a book, have a glass of wine, watch a comedy, etc), something that will gently bring you back to the everyday world.

That's the simplest way to explain what I do. It can get as elaborate or simple as you want it to be, just keep in mind how much time you have and how you feel.

 Time is ticking away, so I will go and practice what I just "preached"!

Have a wonderful Esbat, however you celebrate it!

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

Life Quizes and Change

Universe has been giving me some serious "clues" that a Change was coming. I wasn't aware at first about what was coming, but I could feel the energies of Change growing around me.

When Change is about to take place, my energies falter, my shields weaken and I become more susceptible to the energies and emotions around me. It's almost as if my Inner-Self is preparing for the bombardment of energy shifts that are coming. Like a track runner at the starting line, tensing up and preparing for when the starting gun goes off.

It isn't a depression, but pretty darn close. When depression hits, I just want to hide from the world. Disappear from all my responsibilities and an urge to do nothing. This is what I call The Calm, the calm before the storm. You know it's coming, you can see and feel it, but a calmness is between you and The Storm of Change. Everything seems to slow down, as you make preperations for the onslaught coming your way.

I usually get a lot of "hints" from Universe about Changes. My biggest problem is that I haven't relearned to trust my Intuition. But Universe is prepared for that and it isn't always nice about it.

If the "hints" that Universe is sending you aren't quite making sense, then Universe will throw "tests" at you. These "tests" are more like "pop quizzes" (Remember those!). No preparation, no warning, just a BAM! and life smacks you a good one...or two...or more.

These Life Quizzes are not meant for you to feel like "life's not fair" or "why does this always happen to me". They are thrown at you to show you just how much you have grown in your spirituality. How "strong" you have become. It is Universe's way of pushing you to your limits so that you will see that you can get out of your comfort zone.

Life Quizzes test your faith (it happens no matter what religion you follow), the sincerity in the Path that you have chosen to walk through life.

To use myself as an example: I am a follower of Goddess and God and I will live a complacent life and know that they will give me all I need to live.

That is not how it works! You do not sit idly by and wait for anything you need and or want to fall into your lap by the grace of Universe.

Every day I have to show them that not only am I their follower, but I am their child. I do not blindly follow their "leadership", but work with them to provide what I need to live. I have to work at bringing    insert desire or need here   into my life.

Every day I have to express that Lady and Lord are a part of Me and I AM a part of Them. I have to love and respect My Self as I Am, as much as I love and respect Them!

In Buddhist philosophy--life is about suffering, enlightenment is about the ending of suffering.

Life Quizzes can and will cause suffering to some degree. It may be a mild annoyance or it could be a heartache of some kind. Just realise that it is not about Universe being cruel, it IS about Universe showing you your strengths.

It IS about YOU ARE what YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE! It isn't to test your faith in your Diety, but to test your faith in YOU!

So when Universe throws down a Life Quiz, know that you will pass and embrace the Change that follows!

I WILL!

Blessings and Love

~Faye~

10 Zen Precepts

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts at work the other day and it really made me think. The podcast is Infinite Smile. It is a Buddhist podcast that I enjoy and it has taught me so much about the Path that I am following.

In the latest episode, Michael McAlister talks about "Do No Harm" as a theme in the Zen Precepts and how we can use it change our lives and the awakening within. He stays very real on how these 10 Precepts can be used as guides in the mundane situations of our lives.He uses an extremely personal event to illustrate on the uses of these guides.

 

The 10 Zen Precepts are:

1. Do not kill.
2. Do not steal.
3. Do not abuse or misuse sexuality.
4. Do not lie.
5. Do not abuse intoxicants
6. Do not put others down.
7. Do not praise self at the expense of others.
8. Do not let greed control you.
9. Do not harbor anger.
10. Do not diminishing the Higher Self. 

They are all very profound ways of looking and living life. You do not have to blindly follow them as they are guides, precepts not commandments. You need to be very open on how these precepts fit into your life in a very realistic way.

I am trying to fit them into my life and I will explain how I view each of these precepts and how I try to fit them into my mundane and magickal life. There are occasions where the precepts can be argued as to how deep to follow them, but you need to be fully aware, fully conscious of why you are walking into the "grey areas" of the precepts.

If you choose to not follow these precepts to the letter, the actions that you take should come from a place that is devoid of Anger, Hatred, Greed, and Delusion.

Read over the precepts how would you incorporate them and how would you argue how deeply to follow them?

13 Principles of Wiccan Belief

Posting in honor of the reconvening of the "American Council of Witches"! For more information read The Wild Hunt Article!

The 13 Principles of Wiccan Belief:

1. We practice rites to attune ourselves with the natural rhythm of life forces marked by the phases of the Moon and the seasonal Quarters and Cross Quarters.

2. We recognize that our intelligence gives us a unique responsibility toward our environment. We seek to live in harmony with nature in ecological balance offering fulfillment to life and consciousness within an evolutionary concept.

3. We acknowledge a depth of power far greater than that apparent to the average person. Because it is far greater than ordinary it is sometimes called ‘supernatural’, but we see it as lying within that which is naturally potential to all.

4. We conceive of the Creative Power in the universe as manifesting through polarity – as masculine and feminine – and that this same Creative Power lies in all people and functions through the interaction of the masculine and the feminine. We value neither above the other knowing each to be supportive of the other. We value sex as pleasure as the symbol and embodiment of life, and as one of the sources of energy used in magical practice and religious worship.

5. We recognize both outer worlds and inner, or psychological worlds sometimes known as the Spiritual World, the Collective Unconsciousness, the Inner Planes etc – and we see in the interaction of these two dimensions the basis for paranormal phenomena and magical exercises. We neglect neither dimension for the other, seeing both as necessary for our fulfillment.

6. We do not recognize any authoritarian hierarchy, but do honor those who teach, respect those who share their greater knowledge and wisdom, and acknowledge those who have courageously given of themselves in leadership.

7. We see religion, magick and wisdom in living as being united in the way one views the world and lives within it – a world view and philosophy of life which we identify as Witchcraft – the Wiccan Way.

8. Calling oneself ‘Witch’ does not make a Witch – but neither does heredity itself, nor the collecting of titles, degrees and initiations. A Witch seek to control the forces within her/himself that make life possible in order to live wisely and without harm to others and in harmony with nature.

9. We believe in the affirmation and fulfillment of life in a continuation of evolution and development of consciousness giving meaning to the Universe we know and our personal role within it.

10.Our only animosity towards Christianity, or towards any other religion or philosophy of life, is to the extent that its institutions have claimed to be ‘the only way’ and have sought to deny freedom to others and to suppress other ways of religious practice and belief.

11. As American Witches, we are not threatened by debates on the history of the craft, the origins of various terms, the legitimacy of various aspects of different traditions. We are concerned with our present and our future.

12.We do not accept the concept of absolute evil, nor do we worship any entity known as ‘Satan’ or ‘the Devil’ as defined by Christian tradition. We do not seek power through the suffering of others, nor accept that personal benefit can be derived only by denial to another.

13.We believe that we should seek within Nature that which is contributory to our health and well-being.

("Council of American Witches" Chairman Carl Llewellyn Weschcke

Over 70 members from many of the paths and traditions prevalent in 1973 convened in Minneapolis that autumn forming the "Council of American Witches" and nominating Weschcke as chairman. By April of 1974 the council had come up with loosely accepted list of general principles that Weschcke used as a basis for writing "The 13 Principles of Wiccan Belief".

The council disbanded shortly after.

Due to Weschcke's efforts, these principles were incorporated into the "Chaplains Handbook" for use in the U.S. Army.)

Feelings of Uggghhhh and the Mind!!!

I'm sick today...

No, I am not...

Yes, I am....

Uggghhhh....

I DO NOT have the TIME to be sick!